Updates

Here we are at the end of May.

I hit a breaking point with Sailor in mid-late April. He was acting out for the farrier, refusing to be caught, melting down in the cross-ties, and rearing in hand. We essentially hit a point of no return where he needed to get his sh*t together. I stumbled upon a piece of the puzzle by (almost) accident. I say almost because I was doing my monthly physical on him, so I was searching for answers about how his body was feeling. Yes, our epaxials and lumbars spasmed on palpation as usual. But like a pinball machine, every single ulcer point on this horse lit up.

He almost nailed me at Liv-13 on the right.

I did some digging- more away from traditional standard medicine and delved into holistic medicine and found... the cecum lives on the right. Now... where is Sailor lame? The right hind... right. Below. The. King. Of. The. Hindgut.

We're on week 5 of stomach and hindgut ulcer treatment. Sailor's coming around- he's easier to catch and handle, falling asleep during grooming, and we're slowly reintroducing carrot stretches, the mounting block, and the saddle. He's still ouchy on palpation, but we're working on massaging them out, and I've talked with an equine vet who will teach me how to do mesotherapy. I haven't decided if he's coming with me on the move to Pennsylvania in a month, but for now, he seems leery, but okay with what we're doing. Do I think he'll have a career? I don't know, I never know. I'm just happy he seems happier.

We fake cross tie again!

We're sampling (and maybe enjoying) new treats!

We're attempting to cuddle!

Candy scared the bejeesus out of me at the same time Sailor had his come apart. Candy had an episode of founder four days after he started Pergolide; one week after finally being officially diagnosed with Cushing's after years of testing. It's been a struggle with his weight since he's been retired. The barn manager and I had a "should we, should we not" conversation about muzzling 2 days before he foundered because his body condition was so lovely. Luckily, he's finally feeling much better (after blowing an abscess as well) and seems to be moving better than ever. There was a day where the light had dimmed from his eyes, and I was so scared it was time. We decided, "What the hell!" and took him out of the dry lot, put him (muzzled) back on pasture. Candy never looked back- turned out he was just mad to be away from his buddies for two days.

He threw a tantrum because there was a fence *BETWEEN* them.

Meanwhile... I'm moving up to Pennsylvania for a job in a month. I've found some places to lesson at, but haven't had luck with finding a boarding facility yet. I don't even know if I want to move the boys up. I'm considering moving Sailor up, taking 1-2 years to bring him along and see what he wants to do, but that's still money and time spent out of the saddle for me. Candy is a harder decision- I love him dearly, want him close, but... He's happy with his pasture mates and so content with them. Our grooming sessions have dwindled from 45 minutes to 20 because he wants to go back out to the field. I also haven't found pasture board; Candy wouldn't and won't be happy to spend his remaining days on stall board. It's a hard decision of who to bring, if I bring anyone at all. At the end of the day, I promise I'll do right by these kiddos, even if they're fickle, dramatic creatures.

- K & C & S

Making Peace

It's been more of the same since turning Sailor out. I had cautiously sketched out a plan to bring him back into rehab work in March after spending February doing positive reinforcement.

Well, February ended up being a nightmare month where maybe half of my days off were spent at home, asleep, and the other half of my days off were spent traveling, and working nights. It rained on the days I had energy to go out after work, sunny on the days I was too tired to go to the barn. I ended up going a little over 3 weeks without seeing the horses, which is the longest I haven't seen a horse since... ever? I've backslid in my riding abilities; I haven't sat on a horse in 4 weeks, haven't truly jumped since May 2017.

Finally managed to squeeze in a visit- after 2 months of turnout, no rehab, no riding. Just grooming and occasional "playing" with Sailor, his back. Still. Hurts. Over T17- the deformed problem vertebrae. At this stage, I may text his sports medicine vet one more time to see what else we can try, but I think Sailor will ultimately stay a pasture pet. Even then, I've been struggling with the internal debate of retirement for 20+ years, or euthanasia. I hate the idea of discomfort, but can't justify euthanizing Sailor, when Candy hobbles around the retirement farm. Candy is in more discomfort than Sailor, but Candy "earned" his retirement. Candy still plays and romps, don't get me wrong, and I know the number of autumns left for him are very much in the low single digits. It's difficult to justify "Yes, I need to euthanize Sailor, a horse I can technically afford, because his back hurts." when Candy is in more discomfort than he is. Because it feels selfish to consider euthanizing Sailor; I feel like I don't "owe" him a retirement. We tolerate each other, but there is no bond. I feel like every week I struggle with trying rehab again with Sailor versus letting sleeping dogs lie; do I Shockwave, mesotherapy, splurge on the custom saddle, buy a sheepskin pad? At some point, I'd like to have a real savings account, buy a horse trailer, save for a home, actually ride again and finally start showing consistently. If I keep throwing all my spare money and time into Sailor, I don't know that I'll ever obtain those things. If someone told me, your horse will be rideable with a $6K saddle, I would make those funds appear, but I won't spend another $6K on something that "may" fix a horse.

I'm sure every week my optimism or pessimism will change regarding my riding and Sailor; I haven't made peace with a decision for him yet only because I don't want any of them for him that isn't a happy career and a happy home. I don't want the 8 year old retired amongst late teens, early 20s; I don't want euthanasia for him if I can't prove constant discomfort worse than Candy's. I can provide the home, but I can't provide Sailor with the happy.

So for now, the boys will toodle on in retirement.

He is beautiful, isn't he?

This knobbly-kneed handsome beast