Well, February ended up being a nightmare month where maybe half of my days off were spent at home, asleep, and the other half of my days off were spent traveling, and working nights. It rained on the days I had energy to go out after work, sunny on the days I was too tired to go to the barn. I ended up going a little over 3 weeks without seeing the horses, which is the longest I haven't seen a horse since... ever? I've backslid in my riding abilities; I haven't sat on a horse in 4 weeks, haven't truly jumped since May 2017.
Finally managed to squeeze in a visit- after 2 months of turnout, no rehab, no riding. Just grooming and occasional "playing" with Sailor, his back. Still. Hurts. Over T17- the deformed problem vertebrae. At this stage, I may text his sports medicine vet one more time to see what else we can try, but I think Sailor will ultimately stay a pasture pet. Even then, I've been struggling with the internal debate of retirement for 20+ years, or euthanasia. I hate the idea of discomfort, but can't justify euthanizing Sailor, when Candy hobbles around the retirement farm. Candy is in more discomfort than Sailor, but Candy "earned" his retirement. Candy still plays and romps, don't get me wrong, and I know the number of autumns left for him are very much in the low single digits. It's difficult to justify "Yes, I need to euthanize Sailor, a horse I can technically afford, because his back hurts." when Candy is in more discomfort than he is. Because it feels selfish to consider euthanizing Sailor; I feel like I don't "owe" him a retirement. We tolerate each other, but there is no bond. I feel like every week I struggle with trying rehab again with Sailor versus letting sleeping dogs lie; do I Shockwave, mesotherapy, splurge on the custom saddle, buy a sheepskin pad? At some point, I'd like to have a real savings account, buy a horse trailer, save for a home, actually ride again and finally start showing consistently. If I keep throwing all my spare money and time into Sailor, I don't know that I'll ever obtain those things. If someone told me, your horse will be rideable with a $6K saddle, I would make those funds appear, but I won't spend another $6K on something that "may" fix a horse.
I'm sure every week my optimism or pessimism will change regarding my riding and Sailor; I haven't made peace with a decision for him yet only because I don't want any of them for him that isn't a happy career and a happy home. I don't want the 8 year old retired amongst late teens, early 20s; I don't want euthanasia for him if I can't prove constant discomfort worse than Candy's. I can provide the home, but I can't provide Sailor with the happy.
So for now, the boys will toodle on in retirement.
 |
| He is beautiful, isn't he? |
 |
| This knobbly-kneed handsome beast |
Posts
