Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Unofficial Blog Hop: Dating App Rules for a Horse Girl

Following Bay With Chrome's lead, I wanted to chime in my experiences. Let's be real, I used to be an avid internet dater. I worked nights, and now go to school 40+ hours a week. I own a resting bitch face. I wasn't going to meet any guys on my own, especially not any guys I was interested in. So I used OKCupid, and later Tinder to meet guys.

It should also be mentioned my boyfriend of almost 2 years was a Tinder date at first (and he catfished me with a 2 year old picture).
Boo-thang circa like 2010. Now you know my taste in men: tall, brunette, modified. He's still perfect 5 years later.

I have "no maybe yes", even though I Tindered without mercy; if you were a maybe, it was a usually swipe left. Mostly because I didn't have a ton of free time to waste on men I wasn't interested in; if men can pick and choose who they want on Tinder, I can too.

Automatic Swipe Left (NO)
Shirtless photos. Surprise me. I'm not interested, I don't care.
The standard player pose- sunglasses, smirk, +/- bathroom mirror selfie.
Hardstyling in front of your car- I don't care that you drive a souped up Honda Civic. I really don't.
Harem photo- if you're doing the player pose surrounded by women, move along buddy.
Tiger photos- WHY ARE THESE A THING??
If you mention you're short- Mama is 5'8, and I like heels. I do not like the Napoleon complex. Move along, lil doggie.
If you hate feminists- we are not going to be friends.
I just don't find you attractive.

Possible Swipe Left (Maybe... No.)
Your first photo is cute, but following photos include the automatic above no.
Frat bro- popped collars, polos, and/or letter shirts will make me hesitate unless the rest of your profile is promising.
Hunting/fishing photo- if that's all your photos, no. If it's one, I can tolerate it.
Photos with pets- if you're cute, I will swipe right... if not, well, see above.
Ironic mask photos- I don't know. These intrigue me, but they're also super weird. Why are you hiding your face? Do you want to wear my skin as a suit?

Automatic Swipe Right (Hell yes)
Body modifications- I am all about tattoos and plugs. All. About. It. (See catfishing boyfriend and his sewn up ears)
Tall- preferably over 6', but at least taller than me in heels.
Animal lover- vegans, vegetarians, or even just an omnivore who loves animals. Holla at me.

Overall- I roll with superficial at first, but usually make my decision after talking to you. I ended up going on a date with my now-boyfriend despite him saying "I like your dog", when, in fact, it was a guinea pig in one of my profile pictures.

One of the weirdest Tinder matches I ever had was a vegan who got arrested for breaking out animals in a lab. Tolerable, but you know what I'm studying right? And he blew up my phone with unwanted d*** pics, which I am not about.

Overall my rules for online dating: add me on Facebook so I can investigate, meet in a public place on the first date, tell someone where you're going, and check in with that person. Every guy I've met up with has been very respectful of these rules, which is definitely a good sign. And as with everything, trust your gut. If you're nervous, there's a reason why.

-K & C & L


  1. Bahaha this is awesome! Okay I think it's kind of cute that your bf mistook your guinea pig for a dog... and those unsolicited d picks ... WHY, MEN???

    1. I feel like it must be an evolutionary thing. "Hellooooo ladies." Hahahaha. They're so AWFUL.

  2. The beauty of online dating. So glad I am not doing that anymore. I had some winners. I mean real champions. Too many to list