Finding the Highs in the Lows

Unfortunately, I've found myself in another mental slump, wondering about my future. General small animal practice? Small animal emergency room work? Small animal internship and critical care residency? All these options, plus affording horses and student loans, have gotten me really emotionally drained and stressed. I wish I could say that horses could wait a year or four or five while I pursue a residency, but I am not a happy person without horses. My mental balance is already frazzled and delicate, and when I take horses out of the equation, well... we've read about it on the blog. I'm devastated. All this means is that I have to make sure that whatever I do next year, I can support riding at least in lessons, if not support 2 horses, somehow. Is it a bad idea? Yep. Is it what I'll need to push through whatever the next year has in store? Absolutely.

In the meantime, I've been trying to focus on the good. Yesterday- Alabama was stunning. A warm 75 degree day, sunny, a slight breeze- it was like a spring day in my Kentucky home. I took Lexie on a hack and did a handful of trot sets for her first day back in work in over a week. Because of the clinic, her stifles swelled up and became inflamed; I spent the last week cold hosing her and grooming her until the inflammation goes down. My trainer, H, and I both agree that she needs to up her fitness before and if we ask her to jump that high that hard again. The trot sets were beautiful, and her canter was amazing out in the field. It gave me a minute to take a deep breath and actually become content with where I am in life.

And she's so darn cute.

Today- well... we're trying a new evasion while jumping. Running at top speed with our head in the air like a giraffe didn't make Lexie's job easier, so now we peanut roll and open our mouth while running at top speed. Today was a "Booty Boot Camp". Trot and canter poles, cavalettis, and grids- all aimed at strengthening her muscles supporting her stifles. She loves her grids, though, so that was her reward today for a lesson attempted: 4 verticals with 2 strides in between all of them.

We may play musical bits in the future- from what I've heard about her past, she likes a hackamore, but is a bit of a freight train (surprise). I have a single jointed rubber dee I'd like to try her in, and the Ogilvy (!!) is on the way.

Getting to the barn has been what's been pushing me through a surprisingly difficult rotation; Candy is looking stiffer and grey-er and it hurts my heart.

I'm growing his mane out for the full Andalusian effect.

 But between rides like yesterday where everything clicks, and every day spent with Candy, I can't complain too much; I am a very lucky girl- I get to do what I love while studying for a career I will enjoy once I get there.

Remembering the good in the bad keep me going.

- K & C & L

B.S. Clinic aka I Went Fast, Jumped Big, and Didn't Die

**Since this is one of my less favorable clinic reviews, I didn't want to post the trainer's name. I don't think he is necessarily a poor trainer, just that he wasn't a good fit for what I needed. He seemed to do much better with people riding made, or better behaved, horses, or riders who were already very competent riding green horses. Basically, we didn't mesh, but I don't want to hurt a reputation based on my opinion alone.**

One of my barn mates trains with a Hunter Jumper A-circuit trainer (ACT) based in Georgia. She asked him to come to Auburn to host a clinic. I love riding with new trainers, and my trainer, H, loves when I go to clinics since we usually come back with new tools to help me progress.

I was a big girl, and signed up for the 0.85-0.95 Jumper class. I had heard ACT was putting jumps up all day, but when I entered the ring, the courses were set medium crossrails (0.65-0.75 in the middle) and a few 0.75-0.8 oxers. Lexie was a mild fire breathing dragon, so during the warm up I focused on lengthening and shortening to really ask her to listen, and to figure out what strength brakes she wanted that day.

It started out nice enough- just a trotting approach to a ground pole, medium cross rail, ground pole focusing on being balanced as a rider, with open shoulders. We were supposed to land and turn in the opposite direction to make a figure 8, but it turned into land and turn the direction of the lead. After a few go-rounds at the trot, we cantered it. Lexie was lovely the whole time- relaxed and soft.

We then made a small course out of a grid of medium crossrails ( 1 stride, 2 stride, 2 stride) and then cantered the medium crossrail in the middle. Still lovely- a bit of a wonky turn after the crossrail because of ground poles, but do-able.

We added onto that course- the grid, followed by a long turn to the crossrail, 5 stride outside line of 2 medium crossrails, long approach to a fan, long approach to a swedish oxer. Now- I had jumped this fan on Friday, knowing I get nervous about new fences, and wanted to school it on a good Lexie day. And at 0.65, it rode lovely. As I turned that corner to begin my long approach to the fan though, ACT jacked the jump up 3 holes- we were approaching a 0.85 m fan with no warning. I haven't schooling 0.85 or higher outside of a grid in over 4 months, but Lexie was locked and loaded. Definitely yelled, "Oh f*cking hell", sank into my heels, grabbed mane, and wrote my obituary. We cleared it, Lexie was JAZZED, but on the long approach, I got her collected for our 0.7 swedish, which was lovely.

This course set the pace for the rest of our clinic: ACT would jack jumps up randomly for all students, and it got to the point that when I was faced with a 1.0 m fan, a crossrail at 0.95 m in the middle, and a 0.95 m vertical, I finally told ACT, "I can't do this. She's tired, and I'm not ready for the height." He was nice enough to drop everything back down to 0.95 m, but I was frustrated.

I finished the clinic in good spirits- Lexie was a maniac, but I rode everything comfortably and I jumped above my comfort zone, and didn't die. I was frustrated with the clinician though- Lexie is athletic, and was a former 1.10 m horse, but she has stifle issues and fused hocks. We're working back up to the 1.10s as soon as my confidence, and her fitness are ready.

I think it was a difference of fundamentals. He saw me as staying on, seeing the distances, and riding a saucy mare as "doing really well" and kept raising the fences until they couldn't meet the challenge physically. I saw a horse who was not athletically ready for full 0.95-1.0 m courses, a nervous rider who is getting there, and figuring out a head-strong, aggressive mare. He made the statement several times that riding is 75% mental, and I agree- but the 25% is just as important. I value my horse's joints, tendons, and muscles more than I value jumping big as fast as I can.

Every clinic has an up side, and I took from this clinic that the pieces are there, I am still physically and mentally capable of jumping "larger" fences, and Lexie will take care of me when I ask (and on several approaches- I did just that, softened the reins, and said, "Take care of me, mare."). H and I are trying to figure out a plan for getting fitness on a 4-5 day a week riding schedule- it's a gradual process, and we're getting there.

- K & C & L

Baby Hunter Princess

I had my first lesson in forever on Thursday. Lexie was uncharacteristically quiet; so quiet that we were concerned she was in pain or feeling sick. She was a kick ride to the fences and over the fences, so H set a very tiny Hunter course and we were on our way. Obviously, she was not in pain or sick because the sass came out as we progressed in the course.

It was a nice chance to focus on keeping my weight in my heels, and focus on a release over fences.

Please note the sass in the first outside line and the flyer in the second outside line. #jumpoff #alldayerrday

Pretend oxer.

Hunter ducking.

I want to do a Hunter Derby with her SO bad. I think she would be an absolute blast.

Saturday we just flatted and did a small cross-rail line to try out an Ogilvy half pad and revised saddle placement. I pushed my saddle back two inches to make sure her scapula was free and put on the Ogilvy.  Lexie LOVED the combination, so it looks like I'll be scraping pennies together for a 1" Ogilvy with rear risers. She was round, a powerhouse, but responsive and willing to woah (or less cranky about woah-ing).

Her toes are a touch long so I'm holding off on riding until she gets her feet done on Wednesday.

Now.. to plan my Ogilvy color combo....

- K & C & L

(Big) Baby Steps

This week has been all about progress. Progress in my riding career and progress in my professional career.

The progress in my riding career has been a high- it wasn't a major step forward, but I schooled a small 2'6" vertical alone for the first time on Lexie. Due to work, I missed my lesson this week, so I schooled on my own (and in a thunderstorm- whoops). We worked on a bending line from a trot fence/cavaletti cantering to a 2'6 vertical going straight to halt in the corner, and then switched to a long approach to the vertical, down to the trot for the cavaletti. It was a lot of focus on keeping my weight in my heels, staying quiet, and giving Lexie a generous release. I'm trying to fine tune my body and my aids to find a combination to keep Lexie quiet and forward after fences. We took a few fliers on the long approach, but it was still a comfortable (mostly) controlled ride.

The professional progress was definitely one of my lows, but a critical part of my job. My heart still hurts 24 hours later.

I am so sad to not be in my old Kentucky home at Rolex, and I am working all weekend, so ponies will have to wait until tomorrow to get groomed and ridden. It's been a bittersweet week, and I am 1/5 of the way through my clinical year.

- K & C & L

Everyday I'm Hustlin' (Otherwise Known as "I Don't Sleep")

I got back from my externship on Sunday (I promise a blog post is coming about baby horses...), and started my next rotation on Community Practice- general small animal veterinary medicine. In an effort to keep the SO content, I've changed my riding schedule. Now that I don't have to get up at the crack of dawn to go in for my rotation (Critical Care- lookin' at you!), I get up before the crack of dawn to be on my horse by the crack of dawn to be in for clinics at 7:30.

The first two days went pretty well, I'll be honest. Lexie colicked over the weekend and had been stalled all weekend. So, that, in combination with two weeks off due to rain, Lexie was a bit ready to go Monday morning. Like... really ready to go. We had a few words about not pawing, standing still, and nipping me for not tacking her up fast enough. Then a few more words about not standing still at the mounting block. Finally, she stood still for 5 seconds, I hopped on, and we were off. We just did a light ride- 10 minutes of walk, 5 of trot, 5 just meandering around, since I wanted to ease her in and not risk her colicking again. Brought Candy in for a groom, and of course, Lexie screamed to her boyfriend after being separated from him for 3 days (unimaginable!).

Tuesday's ride was solid- we were lifting through our back, and balanced (as long as I kept my leg on). I didn't think I'd like to see the sun rise, but I enjoy the sunrise on the back of a horse. She felt much better and moved better yesterday morning.

Hustlin'.

You better tolerate me. I bring cookies.

Favorite man in the whole wide world.

Wednesday evening, I squeezed in a quick lesson. We did a small 2'6 (2'5ish) course of rollbacks, working on keeping her collected or "manhandled" as H likes to call it. A lot of hand, a lot more leg. She's getting there! We had a few wonky distances, and a few fire breathing mare moments, but I'm not panicking nearly as much, and I'm able to reason through the moments, "Add leg, pulse the reins, less hand, more bend" rather than just yanking on her face. It's slowly starting to (hopefully) hit that turning point where "bad"/"problems" are getting "fun" and becoming challenges rather than impossible tasks. It might be my big girl helmet. It might be my confidence.

Most likely the big girl helmet. You can't be a weenie in a Speed Air.

But I enjoyed my lesson Wednesday night, and I think Lexie did too! Now to break my nasty habit of pinching with my knee!

I noticed my saddle is rocking with the Thinline half pad, which I tried on Lexie to relieve wither pressure that my Beval wool half pad was creating. She hated the Thinline, and preferred the Beval, but I want her withers freed up and comfortable. We'll have to keep playing musical half pads, since a custom saddle is out of the question for a lease/vet student budget at the moment. Suggestions?

- K & C & L

Sun Shirt Showdown

Almost every blogger has done a comparison of the most popular sun shirts on the market, and being 2 steps behind as always, I am no exception. Let's put a personal twist on this.

Rider's stats: 5'8, average build (34" chest, 27" waist, whateva). Heat sensitive- giant hot weather weenie. Small obsession with my Black Olive TS Trophy Hunters. Bigger obsession with my leopard needlepoint belt.

The Shirts:

EIS COOL Shirt, size M, in Seabreeze and Black and Tan- retails for $86
Sleeve length: 20"

Kastel Denmark Charlotte Shirt, size M, Brown with Light Brown- retails for $75
Sleeve Length: 21"

Tailored Sportsman Ice-Fil Shirt, size S, Apricot- retails for $65
Sleeve Length: Pending.

Sizing

The Tailored Sportsman and EIS likely run the same. The EIS are a touch too big, but the TS is way too tight. Some of my issue with the fit of the TS may be related to the fact that I was expecting a light coral, and got a "it rubs the lotion on its skin" color, and it's very very sheer. Kastel fits me beautifully. Overall, the Kastel Denmark shirts seem to run small while the TS and EIS run true to size.

Cooling

I'm going to be honest here, when it's 90 degrees out in 80% humidity, I ditch the sleeves, and opt for my other hot weather riding top: Nike Dri-Fit V-Neck Tees. When weather is a few degrees cooler than Hell, I reach for my TS first, Kastel second, and EIS third. While I think the TS is a little too snug for my vet-school cushioned figure, it does a fantastic job wicking sweat away to keep me cool. The Kastel and EIS are comfortable for 60 degree days where I warm up as I go, and work up a small sweat as I ride. If I'm sweating walking from my house to my car- I'll wear a short sleeve v-neck.

Bits and Bobs

I really love the EIS fabric; it's more of a knit tech fabric rather than a straight tech fabric like Kastel or TS; this may also be why it holds heat the most out of the 3 brands. The zipper pulls are all ergonomic plastic, and feel high quality and durable.

The seabreeze EIS has picked up a few weird stains that have yet to come out despite multiple washes, OxyClean, and a myriad of stain removers- so I would be cautious about the lighter colors. I haven't had the same issue with my TS sun shirt.

As I mentioned above, the TS shirt is very sheer; I can only wear nude sports bras with it, whereas I can get away with other colors under the seabreeze EIS.

Overall verdict?

I like these shirts- I like them for hiking, running, and riding in temperate weather. I'm going to be the Debbie Downer- I don't think they're ideal or even helpful in hotter-than-Hades, moist weather. I love a good quarter zip, and live in an area where these are perfect 3/4 of the year, but I can't wear them for mid-summer riding- it's too warm.

Looking for something to keep you comfortable in 60-70 degree spring weather? These are fantastic.

Looking for something to keep you cool in 80+ degrees? Let me know- because I am still looking for the perfect shirt.

I haven't been riding the last week and a half- I've been in Kentucky on externship! I'll be posting a summary about my experience externing at one of the leading equine hospitals in the world after my externship is over. I'm going a little stir crazy not riding, but I'm having a blast in my old Kentucky Home.

- K & C & L

Grumbles in the Night

In this day and age, it's hard not to compare yourself to other riders, and lately, I've been finding myself regretting my career path and wishing I had chosen a more financially rewarding path in favor of bigger jumps and better horses.

Like many riders, I can certainly be prideful, and used to consider myself a competent rider. I'm just now beginning to find my footing over 2'6" jumps on Lexie, and, when I remember 4 years ago, I was schooling 3'-3'6", it stings. I almost feel like my riding has regressed. I've been so busy studying, working, and now, traveling to externships, for the last 3 years that my riding has suffered greatly. 

Is it normal? Probably.

Am I making the best choice for both my riding career and work career? Maybe.

I plan on putting financial stability on hold for another four to five to six years to pursue an internship, possibly specialty internship, and residency all in the pursuit of becoming a boarded criticalist. What does this mean? Four to six years of making a very very low salary, while student loan interest accumulates on itself. Four to six years of living uncomfortably paycheck to paycheck working 80-120 hours a week, all in hopes of sitting through yet another massive exam in addition to case reports, and research papers to add another handful of letters to the end of my name. Is it worth it?

I'm not sure. For the first time, what I want, what I think I should want, and what I can actually achieve are all diverging. Do I want to work away for pennies, unable to ride until my student debt is paid off? Or hit the ground running in the work force to fund horses and give up on my dreams of becoming board certified in critical care?

This is more of vent or a cry into the void for guidance. I'm not sure where I'm headed, and that uncertainty is scary to me.

- K & C & L